Curve balls...

...isn't life full of them! Seriously, you just never know what the day will bring. I am so pissed right now that I want to hit something! This disease of alcoholism is no walk in the park and can throw some of the best curve balls I've seen! He's gonna be mad that I am talking about this, but I don't really care right now. Sometimes, you just gotta talk. Besides, maybe, just maybe, someone reading this will wake up and stop drinking! As I'm sure you have figured out, Kevin slipped today. Here is the irony - as I am on the computer completing one of those millions of questionnaires that us girls send out and answering the question "what is your biggest fear?" and I put "relapses"....see the irony? It was probably occurring at that very moment!

The most frustrating part of this disease is that you never can truly see it coming. Things can be going fine. We were having a great day ~ great dinner planned, yada, yada. The need to drink creeps in out of nowhere...their urges are often uncontrollable. Something us non-alcoholics don't get - I want to just scream, "mind over matter!" or "be strong!" or "damn it why do you do this?" But, I have read enough on alcoholism to know that first of all yelling doesn't work, secondly mind over matter doesn't work, and it's not Kevin doing this - it's the disease. I know he is going to overcome this b/c he has the desire and is trying to get better. That is the difference between an actively drinking alcoholic and a recovering alcoholic. I know tomorrow is a new day - but I am so pissed about today!!! I am venting here because I can't vent to him YET. There is no need when he has been drinking ... I just sometimes DON'T get it!

If you knew what a kind hearted, wonderful, loving person that Kevin is - you would be frustrated for him too. I guess he has really been thrown the biggest curve ball of life by having to battle this disease for his whole life. It's not going anywhere...we just need you to pray for us - me, I need the strength to deal with it and be here to lean on & for him - the strength the resist the urges of his disease and to find a meeting that he can attend regularly. Those are my prayers and wishes...

Thanks for listening/reading!