Reality...sometimes it bites

I could fill you with fluff today, but I am not in a fluff kind of mood. I am taking the slip Kevin had last night harder than normally. Maybe it's because I thought he was finally on track...that doesn't sound right, he's on track. He's going to more meetings than ever. He hasn't lost the desire. He just slipped. It happens. But, I really thought that after the last one, we were on the road of recovery where we would start counting off the months until he could say, "I've been sober now for 2 years." You know? Well, maybe this time...am I discouraged? Do I get down about it? I get asked that sometimes....reality is YES! It is not an easy disease to deal with. Alcoholism. I hate it now when people joke about it or laugh that someone is an alcoholic. Before I met the disease face to face. I was one of those people. It isn't something to joke about. These people have to fight everyday of their life to stay sober. Sometimes it is scary. Sometimes it is disheartening because when things are going great, you almost wait for the other shoe to drop. And sometimes, like this weekend, when we had to go the visitation of one of his friends, you have a sense of dread in the back of your mind because you know he can't handle it. I told my friend Michelle to pray the minute I heard the news of his friend. I knew what it could mean. Is that why he slipped? Who really knows in the end? It only matters that he did, and today we are starting all over. But, at least, we are starting over. We cannot give up. He will win this battle and is so close. I just know it. Last night, I was so scared. I am not going to lie. But, I am SO grateful that he didn't drive anywhere. No innocent people were in danger. That to me is the very worst thing about this disease...the fear that an innocent person could get hurt from it. Once I knew he was okay, I just came home and cried and cried. I haven't let it out in a long time. Sometimes I hold it in. I admit it. I don't want people to think badly of him because he is not a bad person. He is good hearted person with an ugly disease that will not release its grip on him. Maybe it's time I give Al-Anon another try. I don't know...maybe sometimes you and Kevin will just have to listen to me vent here. You know he hates it when I let the whole blog world know. Oh well, I hate it when he leaves his wet towels on the bed. So there! (see I'm starting to feel a bit better and get some sass back).
I don't want to leave you with the impression that I live daily with a "drunk". I live with an alcoholic who is fighting to stay sober. 95% of our days are great! We laugh, we love, we talk, we communicate, we have the same interests (except golf), we share a family history and childhood memories....It is that one day in 30 that we struggle because the disease won that day. We just have to remember that no situation is hopeless. Situations don't lose hope. People do.

**I may have rambled and made no sense. Sorry. I am working through my thoughts.