It's been awhile...

...and you know how some of us girls love these questionnaire thingies...ha! Got this one from Steff ~ thanks for the material!

What kind of SOAP is in your bathtub right now? I have a bar of Dove and a bottle of Suave body wash

Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator? No

What would you change about your living room? I'd make it bigger so we could all fit in it on scrapbook night & be able to see the tv (that would be a flat screen with surround sound - while we are dreaming! ha!)

Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty? dirty

What is in your fridge? Not much at all - couple of bottles of water, slices of cheese, sour cream, eggs, mustard, a little mayo, butter...some of Kevin's cooking sauces & that's about it!

What is on top of your refrigerator? cookbooks, my favorite picture of Sydney and Autumn and my great-grandmother's candy dish

What color or design is your shower curtain? It is a silky material - brown with beads across the top...prettier than it sounds! ha!

How many plants are in your home right now? I don't have luck with indoor plants...only flowerbeds...so no indoor LIVE plants just fake ones!

Is your bed made right now? No...Kevin left after me! urgh! I hate it when the bed isn't made! But he thinks - why make it? You are just going to get back in it and mess it up! ha!

How many pillows do you sleep with? 2 - sometimes 3

Do you sleep with any lights on at night? yes - I have to have a night light

Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch? Yes and it says "Must Love Dogs" - big shocker huh?

Chore you hate doing the most? cleaning the bathtub...sometimes I'll clean everything but that!

Any retro items are in your home? no I don't think so

Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home? Yes - I have a gun for protection & I have a guard dog and a guard cat! LOL!

What does your home smell like right now? right now it smells fruity from the thingy plugged in the wall...but Jax just had dinner, so that could change quickly! ha!

Ever been on your roof? Nope

In case of fire, what are the items in your house which you’d grab if you only could make one quick trip? Wonder how quick? If I had time to get stuff, I would get my pets, my scrapbooks, and my grandmother's quilts. Everything else could be replaced.

There - I got my quiz fix for a bit! LOL!

Wordless Wednesday: Favorite Things About Camping

We're home! :-)

We ended up going to Charlton - about an hour & 10 min. from home. It was just what we needed! We headed out Saturday morning, sat up camp, relaxed, listened to the Razorback game, Kevin made dinner, and we sat around the campfire. Sunday, we went exploring & headed home. Having a pop-up camper ROCKS!! We took Jax for his first trip since we were close to home. I am not sure what he thought about it - he liked the exploring part, but sitting around camp, he could probably do without. Somehow, I have managed to raise a dog that can't swim (discovered on a recent hike) and WON'T go #2 in the woods - I guess he prefers his own backyard toilet - ha! He seriously held it until we got home! And, yes, it was a gassy ride home! LOL! Enjoy the pics! More tomorrow!! hee-hee! Only I can go away for 24 hours and come home with 35 pictures! (I won't make you suffer through them all! ha!)

Take me away....

I still don't even know where we are going tomorrow, and I don't care! I just need to get away for a bit! No cell phone, no computers, no phone, no work....just me, the dog, nature, and my man. Ahhhhhh....is it tomorrow yet?

Kevin's work schedule is wearing us down...(but yes, we are thankful for the job). They have finally hired a new manager!! And now another manager is going on vacation, but his boss promises he will start the job duties he was HIRED to do the next week! We just need to make it one more week! There have been a few other curve balls thrown our way this week (especially Kevin) but we are staying focused and keeping in mind what is most important.

Wish us mucho peace while we take our last camping trip until Spring!!!

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things Happening in My World:

1. My Bubby fixed my computer tonight for FREE!!!! Thank you Bubby! It is still at his house but will be home and running soon! Ahhh...

2. Parent Teacher Conferences are Monday, and I really should be working on Parent Conference forms right now instead of blogging!

3. I have given Jax 3 of his 8 shots of Adequan. He is already like a new dog! I highly recommend these expensive shots to anyone who has an arthritic dog!!

4. I have a Master's project due at the end of the month that I am starting on early.

5. And, I got my grades back for my presentation and the project that I thought I did horribly on - both A's! yippee!

6. Race for the Cure is this Saturday!

7. I am walking with my cousins, Peggy and Kristen.

8. After the race, Kevin and I are going on our last camping trip of the season. A short, but needed trip!

9. Kevin has had to close the restaurant every night this week again. We are just seeing each other as we come and go to work. It sucks!! He has Sat/Sun off - hence the camping!

10. I am going to help my friend, Donna, who is expecting twins to register at Target tomorrow. (Remember we went to Babies R Us on Sunday)

11. I LOVE my job!!! Have I said that lately? Well...I do!

12. I love my co-workers! They are my new bff's! :-)

13. I am ready for the weekend, because I need some time with my man!

Wordless Wednesday

Weekend Snapshots

Friday night after dinner with my buddy, Peggy and Jax's fav housesitter, Kristen, we tortured the cats with the Halloween costume that they bought for their dog. Simba was not too pleased at first. However, by the end, he was purring. So...don't let him fool ya - he liked it! ha!

Now...I have a healthy enough respect for the crazy cat below, Nala, to just lay the costume on her - not go to all the trouble of putting her legs in and everything. I mean, I don't want to lose a finger or get the crap end of her revenge - if you know what I mean! ha!

My critter kids hate Halloween and Christmas b/c I'll always find a way to torture them by dressing them up!

Saturday morning, I went to Skylar's (the little girl in the middle with the neon green uniform) soccer game. She is in my class at school. I loved it! Not a bad morning ... I hit the local Starbucks and sat out in nice weather enjoying the game!

After the game, we had a family day at the State Fair. Me, Peggy, Sandy, Kristen, Kayce, and Peggy & Sandy's mom hit the fair. The best part is the food - yum! I had a funnel cake, sno cone, and cotton candy...again, YUM!

Below is Kristen getting in over her head feeding the animals! ha!

I don't ride the rides - I am chicken. But, I will happily watch others and take pics! :-)
Sandy and Kayce got flying lessons:

Saturday night, Kevin and I watched the Razorback game...we won't even talk about that disappointment.

Then, Sunday, I went with my friend, Donna, who is expecting twins, to help her register at Babys R Us....FUN! Do I finally - at 34 years old - have baby fever? I'm NOT telling...heehee!

Randomness...

I did it! I gave Jax his first shot last night!!!! yay! And it wasn't hard at all! He didn't even flinch! (It helped that his second fav person in the world, Kristen, was petting him!) So...only 6 more shots to go!

I hope you can read this below - it is cool! This cat is a seeing-eye cat for this blind yellow lab! Awww! How cool is that!?


Ok - more tv talk - did anyone watch Women's Murder Club last night? The new show based on the James Patterson novel series. James Patterson ROCKS, by the way! I watched and liked it! Thank goodness for DVR! hee-hee!

One of my kids at school is having a soccer game this AM, and I'm going to watch her play. I've never been to a soccer game. Should be fun! Then I might go to the State Fair that is in town afterwards. Can you say funnel cake???? Mmmmm!!!!

Told you it was random! :-)

Class

This is the first semester that I am not enjoying my master's class. It is more frustrating than anything & cancelled ALOT! It is also going to be the first class in my Master's that I don't make an A!! It's true - turns out she had to grade the final on a curve b/c everyone did so poorly. I would've had a D, but with the curve I have a C on the midterm. I made a 82 (which in her class 83 to 92 is a B, 93 and up A, you get the drift...so I originally made a 72 but in her class that is a D!!!)

Tonight I have a presentation (in 45 min) and I have a project due. I admire all you folks who can do flowcharts - it has given me more headaches than I can count. I hate those arrows! ha! Seriously though, we had maybe a one time 10 minute tutorial on it. It's only 15 points, so I am letting it go....

On a better note, I LOVE the new show "Dirty, Sexy Money"!!! Is anyone else watching? Only 3 shows have aired so far & Kevin & I are hooked! It is second on the 'ole DVR recording list! (And I deleted Private Practice - just not liking it.)

Wish me luck tonight on my presentation!

**updated: Presentation is over...and it went. This just isn't my class! I turned in my project that I'm not too proud of either. I have one big project and my final left. I just hope to pull a B in this class and move on to the next one!

Have a great weekend! :-)

Autumn's birthday party on Sunday...

Some pics from my niece's 9th birthday on Sunday...the girl is a horse NUT! Horse presents, horse cake, horse wrapping paper....ha!

Dodged a bullet...

Jax went to the vet today, and I just knew he had torn his other ACL and surgery (expensive surgery) was our fate! But, I was wrong! Sometimes, it is nice to be wrong ~ ha! He has really bad arthritis. He gets to take a series of adequan shots twice a week for the next four weeks. Guess who gets to give those shots? ME! I think I can, I think I can...just keep repeating! ha!

My baby is getting old...it makes me sad. :-(

We can handle a little arthritis though...from what I hear from friends who have used these shots with their dogs, he's gonna be as good as new in no time! Go Jax - watch out opposum's! ha!

PS. That's my cousin, Tanner, in the pic above! I'm probably in trouble for posting it!

Fundraisers, football, and together time...

Yesterday was a good day...I love a good Saturday! :-) First of all, Kevin & I have been on different schedules all week. One of the managers quit, and he had to close every night this week. So, he left for work at 2 in the afternoon & got home after I was in bed. Basically, we missed each other coming and going all week. So, Saturday was our day to finally spend together! And, I had him back at the grill! ha!We had a hot dog fundraiser for BoxAR, the boxer rescue group that I volunteer with in Arkansas. Remember all those hot dogs that were in my freezer? GONE! yippee! Granted, we didn't do as well as we thought we would (but it was a Razorback game day IN Little Rock, & we were in Cabot). But, we made about $125 more than we had! Plus, I sent all the leftover hot dogs to the kennel for the boxers to snack on! :-) I bet they were happy ~ I know Jax was when he got a few off the grill!
Above is one of the BoxAR board members - trying her best to get customers! She reminded me of the CiCi's Pizza people who stand outside the restaurant with the sign! ha!

And here is our table:

(Over to the right hand side is a basket of holiday collars that are handmade - actually by the board member above). I got one for Nala for Halloween ~ she ain't happy about it either! hee-hee!We took a long way home b/c we had the grill loaded in the back of the truck. Kevin and I love a good road trip!! Once we got home, Kevin had put some beans in the crockpot before we left. So, he made one of my favorite meals - beans and cornbread! Am I a southern girl or what? ha!

Then, we had to listen to the Razorback game on the radio b/c we couldn't find tickets to the game. Well, the radio was packed in the pop-up camper. So...another road trip to nowhere! Just us and the dog going nowhere listening to the game! ha!

Once we got home, we watched the new series Dirty, Sexy Money. (I had the pilot and first episode on the DVR) That show is AWESOME!! We both loved it! So....that is going to be my new show to pick up this year. I just don't feel the love for Private Practice (sorry). I think it's because I never really liked Addison on Grey's.

Ok...gotta run! My niece has a birthday party at 2 o'clock. pics tomorrow!

Reflections...

**warning - I have no idea where this post will take me. Just getting out some thoughts/feelings/memories that have come to me throughout the day - consider yourself warned!**

11 years ago today, I was in San Francisco marrying the man I loved more than anything. I can't believe that was 11 years ago...it some ways, it is a distant memory & in others, I remember it like it was yesterday. Some details are still crystal clear....I can remember looking at him while we were saying our vows and thinking, "this is a dream". That day is still one of my happiest memories...we were surrounded by our close friends and had amazing views all around. We truly loved each other...what went wrong? Well, lots of things, but I really try not to dwell on the negative. Is there really any point at playing the blame game? Not now...it is best summed up with we were young, and we grew apart. We are two totally different people (those who know us both are probably laughing right now going no kidding!) Alan is a night owl, mr. social, knows everyone, life of the party, spontaneous, out every night....I am the polar opposite - in bed around 9/9:30, don't like to party, a major homebody, my idea of a good night is scrappin' with a bunch of my friends at home. You get the idea - I loved the stability of being married and the responsibilities of married life - he felt the opposite...so, it was doomed.

Lots of people ask me how we managed to stay friends (because he is still a best friend that I can rely on). I don't really know the answer except we never let things get nasty or ugly. We never really fought. We were always friends, just not the best husband/wife. I really only remember letting him "have it" twice during the separation. It will be 4 years in January that we separated...crazy! But, I only remember getting truly MAD about twice...mainly, I was depressed. It was bad! I guess I was mourning the loss of my marriage and my best friend. It is a major life change...all the sudden your life is in an uproar & nothing is the same. I think I took it harder than most people b/c I never really thought of divorce as an option. Almost everyone in my family has been divorced, and I was determined that it wasn't going to happen to me. Well, I learned you can't control everything, and it takes two people to make a marriage work. So, it hit me hard. Despite all his faults, I loved him. I loved him deeply. I would have done anything in the world for him. So, I felt like my world had crumbled around my feet the day he walked out the door. I struggled for over a year...probably close to a year and half.

I was probably clinically depressed. It is a hard thing to overcome. I think that one of the reasons that Alan & I stayed friends is because he didn't "desert" me in that when I was depressed, he was always there for me when I broke down. Keep in mind that for the past 8 years before this, I kept up a fake front with everyone else that life was fine and we were a happy couple. So, Alan was the only person who truly knew me and the only person I felt I could be true self around....it didn't matter what time of night or what he was doing, he would answer the call & listen. I have a healthy respect for those who struggle with depression b/c I have been there and don't ever want to feel that way again. I admit that it was bad enough that on at least two occasions I actually considered taking my own life. I admit that b/c MAYBE someone reading this is or has thought the same thing before - and it DOES get better!!! I hated with a passion hearing that when I was depressed - I wanted a timeline - WHEN will it get better b/c I truly didn't see how it could - my life was ruined in my eyes. Well, it does get better...I fought my way back. And it was a fight!! I remember going to the doctor and not being able to tell him what I needed b/c I was crying so hard...he knew and gave me some anti-depressants. I really didn't want to take them - I wanted to overcome this on my own. But I went to the doctor b/c I was sick of it. Turns out, just having the security blanket of the anti-depressants in the drawer if I couldn't fight it on my own, was all I needed. I never took one...slowly, things started getting better. I fought my way back to the top, and I am happier than I have been in years!!

Some friends tell me I need to tell my story of the divorce to support groups and help others going through divorce. I think everyone has a story, and no one's will help until you are READY to overcome it. People told me all kinds of motivating stories - no help! That was great for them, but it wasn't me. I will say that watching Oprah everyday helped b/c she always had someone on with a story worse than my own! I would think "could be worse, that could be me".

I never thought I would be where I am today - divorced, 34, and no children. But, if I count my blessings, I am truly blessed in so many ways. And really, life is good! I just choose to focus on the positive and leave the rest alone. So, to anyone going through divorce, my only advice - if you want to take it - don't waste your time being bitter or playing the blame game. Remember the good times you had together and leave the rest behind!

**remember - you were warned! I feel better now getting that out!**

Look what I found!

I was innocently pulling a few weeds in my wild flowerbed while waiting on the call from Sandy and Tanner to go eat, and look what I found!! Isn't it cute? So tiny!! We put a quarter next to him, so you could see how small it is! I, of course, am taking it to school tomorrow. The kiddo's will love it!
** And we AREN'T keeping it!!! I will, however, let it go tomorrow in a much safer area than my backyard. (think Simba & Jax!)

Wordless Wednesday

Updates...

Here are some updates on all the drama around here lately: (and just so you know, I only like OTHER people's drama ~ I prefer it stay away from my house! ha!)

*lawnmower drama - my cousin's hubby has repaired their mower. So, I am no longer responsible for the destruction of another person's property! ha! AND, the part came in for our mower today. Kevin will attempt to fix it tomorrow...more to come later!

*money issues - I still have not charged! Can I get a "yee-haw"? LOL! I got my retro-active paycheck today!!! That got me to even! AND, I have the money saved up to pay my property taxes on the 10th!!! So...now I just need to save to fix the Jeep and the computer! Almost there!! (And then Christmas shopping will hit! ha!)

*mid-term - don't ask! I didn't do well, but life happens! I don't have the actual grade yet, but I was clueless on one of the essay questions!

*Kevin - is back on track & we are going to make a Celebrate Recovery meeting our date on Friday night!! He found a new meeting last night that he really liked ~ they only meet once a week, but at least he has that every Sunday night.

*computer - still broken, but I am using my school laptop. It is next on my list to repair!! Wish me luck!

Weekend...

This was a such a good, relaxing weekend...and you know that was MUCHO needed around here! ha! Friday night, I had a full house with the scrappers. We were all in attendance (8 of us crammed in my living/dining room). The food and girl talk was plentiful and GOOD! And the scrapbooking...well...I was on a roll! ha! I had a mission & I actually managed to accomplish it! This weekend, I scrapbooked 20 pages!!!! WOE!! Saturday, Sandy and Kayce (her young 'un) came over, and we scrapped some more. Kevin went camping & I scrapped my heart out! LOL! Here are some of my favorites from the weekend:

This one above was an unexpected favorite. I just had a bunch of pics to get on a page and be done with the lake pictures...you know how it gets. So this was my solution & I ended up loving it! You just never know! ha!
I scrapbooked at least 2 horse show events, so I'm a little burned out on the western theme! ha! But I loved the page above of my niece & I actually got to do one of my Mom below. The one below is one of those really neat layovers - almost no work on your part required! :-)
Here's what I need help with ~ see this stamp below? I want more like it, but I don't know what brand they are. I hate the foam stamps. I want more fonts in this stamp... the scrapbook store where I found these hasn't had them for over a year...any ideas?

THANK YOU!!

Thank you just doesn't seem like big enough words for the amount of love, prayers and support that you all have given me and Kevin. We BOTH thank you ALL from the bottom of our hearts. He read all the comments yesterday, and for him, it helps him to know that people actually understand what he is going through and don't automatically think "loser". He can't help but worry about that. For me, just knowing that I have support and can call on that support, it gives me the strength I need to support him!

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts! The internet is truly amazing! Because a good friend of mine read this and told one of her friends, we are blessed with some Celebrate Recovery information in our area. I really believe that was God's wake-up call to us that no matter how busy we are with our new jobs, we cannot put off finding a recovery group or AA meeting that Kevin WANTS to attend, and we cannot put off finding a home church. So, those two things are our #1 priority right now!!

Love you all! Have a great weekend! I will be scrapbooking all weekend!! :-)

Facts of Life...

Last night was NOT a good night! I feel like I'm all about gloom and doom lately, but I gotta let out my frustrations as well as the good stuff. I am pretty open about the fact that Kevin is an alcoholic. (Although I don't usually tell new folks until they've actually met him b/c I don't want him to be pre-judged.) We just celebrated 9 months sober last week, and we are starting over today...today is Day 1 of sobriety. He slipped up last night and drank. Yep, NOT a good night!!

Without going into the details of what happened b/c that isn't fair to him, I will "let out" my feelings! I know that slips happen when alcoholics try to get sober. I know that they relapse sometimes 7, 8, 9 times before the sobriety finally takes hold for good. I know a slip can happen anyday. Trust me! But that doesn't make the disappointment and hurt any less. It just isn't fair to him or me...if you know him or have known him his whole life like I have, you know that he has the biggest heart. He is such a fun-loving, sensitive, good person. He doesn't deserve to have to struggle with this the rest of his life. (and neither do I) But, it is like my friend said who has a husband with MS ~ people tried to tell her not to get serious about him or marry him b/c it would be too hard of a life. She said you don't turn off the love you have for someone b/c they have a disease. It may be easy for people to think or say you can, but it isn't when you love someone to just walk away. And, alcoholism IS a DISEASE. A very ugly one.

I have to admit that I was FURIOUS with him last night ~ especially once I had the keys and knew he was safe. I let him have it with everything I had too - I think I cussed him worse than I would my own dog! (I will be saying prayers for weeks asking forgiveness for all the foul words that came out of my mouth!!) I doubt he remembers much of what I yelled at him last night though. It was difficult to take or watch someone you love like that...but at the same time, I wanted to throttle him!!!! This morning, I hadn't cooled off much either, so he got round 2 of the wrath of Lori. After a full day at work, I have calmed down a bit, but I am still pissed & hurt & disappointed & angry...but now more at the disease and circumstances than at him. Although, still at him too...if that makes sense. He struggles and has come SO far, but he has to learn how to deal with life's curve balls WITHOUT drinking!

He is at work now & has attended an AA meeting today already. He at least is in the right frame of mind that this is NOT going to set him back. He slipped and will move on with sobriety. I will support him as long as he is working towards sobriety. I couldn't be with him if every night was like last night - no way! But, we are all human. I will forgive him - I don't think I have yet - but I will. And, we will start all over with the trust, and the meetings, and the days, but that is OK as long as we are staying sober AND happy!

You know that as a human being, we worry what other people think - don't think I haven't worried about that. I hate to admit that I have...I also admit that I don't confide much in my friends about this b/c in the back of my mind, I wonder "do they think I'm nuts for dating him?" Well...I am sure there are those that do think that - we all have our opinions. But please, remember, that it is a disease and he is TRYING. And remember that the good outweighs the bad - he loves me and shows me on a daily basis. ok - I am not going to try to justify anything...but if you have a negative opinion, please keep it to yourself. Right now, we need encouragement and prayers...Kevin more so than me. So, if you pray, say a prayer tonight that Kevin has the strength he needs to overcome his battles.

Thanks for listening (if you are still here! ha!). I feel better just getting some of that off my chest!

Wordless Wednesday